Friday, April 27, 2007


This guy is an idiot. He had so much on the line and now he basically fucked up his entire next season.

The football players around here often feel a sense of entitlement when going out. I've turned away many a UGA football player because they're underage, T\they have a shitty ID or they're totally out of dress code. I'm all for helping them out when I can, but as far as I'm concerned, as soon as they stop having seasons like last season, then I'll start throwing them a bone when they're out.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Good Times with White Trash

This is a fun situation that I experienced recently. As much as I like to say that being a "bouncer" isn't about fighting and intimidation, there are times that it feels good to punk someone completely out.

So two guys come up to the door. They were both white trash, early twenties. One was taller and the trashier of the two, sporting a molester mustache, an old white undershit and jean shorts. The shorter one was trashy as well, but carried himself like he had little man syndrome. I refused them entry because they were out of dress code, they looked trashy and looked like they were fucked up on something besides alcohol. No big deal, they walked away without much trouble.

A few hours later in the night I see the same two guys walking back in our direction down the sidewalk. They made their way up to me and the taller of the two got directly in my face and said, "Bar X is gay." (Referring to the bar I work at)

I sit there, sort of confused. It was obvious this guy wanted to blatantly start shit. There was no beating around the bush about it. He was trying to start a fight with me.

"Oh really? Well thanks for your input."

"Yea, your fucking dress code is fucking stupid. That's fucked up you wouldn't let us in!" He was pissed. And very drunk.

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way" I say, "but I don't make the dress code. Management does. So blame them."

"But you coulda just let us in."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"No, I couldn't. You're acting like I sit around in my spare time and try to figure out how I can fuck people at the door via the dress code. Besides, my manager is in there and if he sees you in there with that on, I'm fucked."

"Fuck that and fuck you! These are trashy Athens bars! Who has dress codes these days anyway?? They don't need no damn dress code! All these bars downtown are pieces of shit. "

"And you're not even good enough to get into one. What does that make you?"

The two guys stopped for a second and absorbed my last comment and slowly realized that I just insulted them. About then, the little one showed his liquid courage and bucked up to me and started cussing at me, telling me they were going to beat my ass.

Right about then another guy working the floor came out and saw what was going on and decided to hang out and see what would happen. As the little guy and me hurled insults back and forth, three other guys who work in other bars who were out for the night also walked up to see what was going on.

So now there was me, my other guy at the door, a guy working the floor, three drunk bouncers who just walked up along with the guys working at the other two bars around us against these two retards. And they didn't even know exactly how outnumbered they were.

When you work downtown long enough and get into a few situations, you start to notice things more. It didn't take more than a second for the drunk bouncers to notice what was going on and took up positions around the back and sides of the two retards on the sidewalk. So now, at that moment, it was me and the little beer muscles guy, the taller trashier guy backing him up and I was positive we were about to fight. It was only going to take him to put a hand on me and it was on.

A funny thing about this was a good number of us there at that moment had (including myself) been accused of being too rough with customers while throwing them out at one time or another during our stints at working at bars. One of the guys there was well known for choking the fuck out of practically every person he threw out, usually leaving them unconscious and in the gutter. And he was fucking strong as a fucking ox. Nearly all of them I had been in fights with and knew that they could do some real damage. And now there were ten of us, with three of them who had been drinking so I knew it wouldn't take much for them to jump in should something go down.

"Fuck you, you piece of shit! You think you're a fucking tough bouncer but I'll fuck you up!" the little man angrily slurred.

"Fuck this. I'm sick of listening to this shitbird," I said to the other guy at the door. I took my hat off and set it on the chair. I fucking hate losing my hat in fights. I always consider it an accomplishment when it stays on.

Right at that insant the taller of the two noticed that it wasn't just me. He must have had a moment of sobriety and clarity because he looked around and saw another 7 forming a half circle around them, watching. They were surrounded. He tapped the shorter guy, I swear on the top of his little head, and they spun around and realized they were absolutely, hopelessly outnumbered.

The little guy shut his trap instantly. The taller guy practically drug his buddy away, and the moment they made it outside the semi-circle, the little guy started talking shit yet again, letting his buddy who started all this now stop him from making it over to us. I knew it was over at this point so I smiled & waved, flipped him the bird and told him to go fuck his buddy when they got home.

There's a funny thing with when a guy is dragging his friend away from an inevitable fight with the door staff. The friend always always always talks more and more shit the farther away from us he gets. I guess your balls start to drop back out of your body when you realize that you're not going to get your face stomped in by guys twice your size and sober.

So we all looked around, realized how many of us actually were standing there, and laughed at the two white trash pieces of shit and went back about our business.

Good times.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


I think it's funny to walk into the bathroom of the bar next door while I'm working and find a guy playing around with a little plastic baggy.

"Whats that?" I asked him as I washed my hands.

"Blow. You wanna do a bump?"

"Nah" I say. "I'm gonna have to pass on that."

I promptly walked out of the bathroom, grabbed the nearest door guy and directed him to the issue, then left the bar and went back to mine.

A few seconds later the cokehead reluctantly left the bar, escorted out by a floor guy, and immediately tried to get into the one I was working at. Of course, I had updated the guy at the door and he was refused entry.

I mean, do people even pay attention to what the hell is around them? I walk in with a shirt saying I work at X bar right next door and they still think I'm gonna bury my nose in some powder with them?


Friday, April 13, 2007


If you work downtown in Athens long enough, you get to know your regulars. If you work downtown even longer than that, then you begin to watch them die off. Literally.

I've been working dowtown for close to half a decade. Tonight I was informed of a regular that died last night while driving home drunk from the Flaming Lips concert, who played at the Classic Center. Apparently, his friends urged him not to drive home. While they weren't paying attention, he slipped away and attempted to make it home safely. That didn't happen. He flipped his automobile 6 times and was killed.

This is the third regular that I've known of in the several bars I've worked at that has been killed. All were alcohol related. This fact disturbs me, however, I'm always deeply affected when I hear about a person who I've known through the bar scene who has died. The fact is, each of the people who have been killed over the years, all drunken vehicle related deaths, I haven't been a huge fan of while they've been alive. However, I still feel a deep sense of mourning in their deaths. I don't regret the way I've treated them over the years, always with respect, but I feel like they didn't live up to their full potential, instead spending their nights in a hole-in-the-wall bar night after night, getting drunk and investing their time in drunken shallow relationships.

It might not be right for me to judge them this way. But I still feel horrible that their lives were ended so quickly while they were so young, and for that I feel a terrible sense of loss.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


It's not common to walk into the bathroom and find two frat boys standing face to face, pissing on each other simultaneously. And laughing about it.

But it happened to me last night. Having worked downtown for years and years, I sometimes think I've seen and experienced just about everything that drunk college kids can throw at me. And then something like this happens. I was dumbfounded and it took me a second to fully comprehend what was going on. Then I kicked into bouncer mode and told them to cut that shit out. They quickly stopped and left the bathroom.

In hindsight, I should have kicked them out but I was taken by suprise. They left right after that anyway, but thats not always a scene you expect to find when walking into the bathroom. Makes me wish we had an employee bathroom. On top of that, I'm not a big fan of going into a situation when I'm outnumbered in the bathroom where no one can see me.

Stuff like this can make a floor guy at a place like mine a little more pissy than it would a bouncer that is only employed to keep the peace. See, we are also responsible for cleaning the bar, taking out trash and doing a quick sweep & mop at the end of the night. Therefore, when we find someone doing any of the following, we get fucking pissed: pissing on the floor, in a trash can, puking anywhere, spilling or dropping drinks or breaking beer bottles, not throwing away trash, writing on the walls, clogging up the toilets, using toilets as trash cans, ect. ect.

And hands down, frat boys and sorority girls are the worst. I know this because in a normal crowd we'll have anywhere from a 25%-50% greek crowd. The mess is always fairly predictable and not too horrible. If we happen to be hosting a private or semi-private social/date night/greek function where it is 100% (or close to) greek customers, the bar always, always, always, always gets trashed. As if that isn't bad enough, the customers are always much more intoxicated than the usual crowd. I find it funny when I get to throw out drunk frat boys from their own social. It's funny because they're paying me to do it.

And that's my little "fuck you" to the retards who don't know how to hold their alcohol or act like civilized human beings when they're downtown trashing the place I work at.