Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Look Back

I've been having more than my fair share of trouble coming up with something to write lately, so I've gone through some old entries I never posted for public consumption and decided to post a few. More to come. This one is from August of 2007...

There's a fairly common belief that the best bouncers use their mouths and brains more than they use their muscles. I've heard it a million times. It's even in this documentary that I recently watched called "Bounce: Behind the Velvet Rope" which documents big city bouncers in mega clubs from around the country, primarily from New York City.

The odd thing is that most of the bouncers in this documentary were big dudes and loved to fight. There were plenty of fights shown throughout the DVD. On a similar note, most door guys and bouncers in bars and clubs are bigger than average. Much bigger, actually.

So armed with this little tidbit of information, a reasonable person might ask...if the best bouncers can talk their way out of a fight, then whats the purpose for hiring a big guy to work the door? Might as well hire a bunch of 140 pound guys to work the door and floor who can run their mouths like a motherfucker, right?

The simple answer is that most people who attract the attention of the bar staff and are on the receiving end of this so-called talent of "talking someone out the door" in order to avoid a fight are normally the ones who end up deserving to get the dog shit kicked out of them on the way out. They're intoxicated and they're not rational in the least, and people who are intoxicated and aren't rational don't tend to listen to any logical explanation as to why they're being ejected. So an alternative method of ejecting a drunk customer is employed. Namely, dragging them out kicking and screaming.

Granted, talking works...sometimes. I've talked many a customer out without having ever laid a hand on him. The drawback to this, however, is that it's very time consuming and I have to bite my tongue and grit my teeth throughout our encounter. Giving them more time gives them the opportunity to rile themselves up and, on occasion, find the guts to take a swing. Drunk people can't stay on subject, they want to argue and throw around insults, and occasionally want to challenge me to a fight, but often lack the testicular fortitude to make the first move.

So I say that it's bullshit. The best bouncers know how to talk, be nice and use words and kindness to their advantage, but also have the ability to force an unwilling customer out the door should the need arise.

But they're not all like that. Most bouncers can only do one or the other well. Unfortunately, it's usually the one that involves choking the shit out of some poor drunk kid. And I can't blame them in the least. A lot of drunk kids around here deserve to have the wrath of a bar employee let loose on them while being forced out the door, screaming for their mommy and daddy.

Oh, and of course screaming for their lawyer, too because they're all going to sue this place, get it shut down, and get me fired.

I always love that one.

1 Comments:

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