Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Good Times with White Trash

This is a fun situation that I experienced recently. As much as I like to say that being a "bouncer" isn't about fighting and intimidation, there are times that it feels good to punk someone completely out.

So two guys come up to the door. They were both white trash, early twenties. One was taller and the trashier of the two, sporting a molester mustache, an old white undershit and jean shorts. The shorter one was trashy as well, but carried himself like he had little man syndrome. I refused them entry because they were out of dress code, they looked trashy and looked like they were fucked up on something besides alcohol. No big deal, they walked away without much trouble.

A few hours later in the night I see the same two guys walking back in our direction down the sidewalk. They made their way up to me and the taller of the two got directly in my face and said, "Bar X is gay." (Referring to the bar I work at)

I sit there, sort of confused. It was obvious this guy wanted to blatantly start shit. There was no beating around the bush about it. He was trying to start a fight with me.

"Oh really? Well thanks for your input."

"Yea, your fucking dress code is fucking stupid. That's fucked up you wouldn't let us in!" He was pissed. And very drunk.

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way" I say, "but I don't make the dress code. Management does. So blame them."

"But you coulda just let us in."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"No, I couldn't. You're acting like I sit around in my spare time and try to figure out how I can fuck people at the door via the dress code. Besides, my manager is in there and if he sees you in there with that on, I'm fucked."

"Fuck that and fuck you! These are trashy Athens bars! Who has dress codes these days anyway?? They don't need no damn dress code! All these bars downtown are pieces of shit. "

"And you're not even good enough to get into one. What does that make you?"

The two guys stopped for a second and absorbed my last comment and slowly realized that I just insulted them. About then, the little one showed his liquid courage and bucked up to me and started cussing at me, telling me they were going to beat my ass.

Right about then another guy working the floor came out and saw what was going on and decided to hang out and see what would happen. As the little guy and me hurled insults back and forth, three other guys who work in other bars who were out for the night also walked up to see what was going on.

So now there was me, my other guy at the door, a guy working the floor, three drunk bouncers who just walked up along with the guys working at the other two bars around us against these two retards. And they didn't even know exactly how outnumbered they were.

When you work downtown long enough and get into a few situations, you start to notice things more. It didn't take more than a second for the drunk bouncers to notice what was going on and took up positions around the back and sides of the two retards on the sidewalk. So now, at that moment, it was me and the little beer muscles guy, the taller trashier guy backing him up and I was positive we were about to fight. It was only going to take him to put a hand on me and it was on.

A funny thing about this was a good number of us there at that moment had (including myself) been accused of being too rough with customers while throwing them out at one time or another during our stints at working at bars. One of the guys there was well known for choking the fuck out of practically every person he threw out, usually leaving them unconscious and in the gutter. And he was fucking strong as a fucking ox. Nearly all of them I had been in fights with and knew that they could do some real damage. And now there were ten of us, with three of them who had been drinking so I knew it wouldn't take much for them to jump in should something go down.

"Fuck you, you piece of shit! You think you're a fucking tough bouncer but I'll fuck you up!" the little man angrily slurred.

"Fuck this. I'm sick of listening to this shitbird," I said to the other guy at the door. I took my hat off and set it on the chair. I fucking hate losing my hat in fights. I always consider it an accomplishment when it stays on.

Right at that insant the taller of the two noticed that it wasn't just me. He must have had a moment of sobriety and clarity because he looked around and saw another 7 forming a half circle around them, watching. They were surrounded. He tapped the shorter guy, I swear on the top of his little head, and they spun around and realized they were absolutely, hopelessly outnumbered.

The little guy shut his trap instantly. The taller guy practically drug his buddy away, and the moment they made it outside the semi-circle, the little guy started talking shit yet again, letting his buddy who started all this now stop him from making it over to us. I knew it was over at this point so I smiled & waved, flipped him the bird and told him to go fuck his buddy when they got home.

There's a funny thing with when a guy is dragging his friend away from an inevitable fight with the door staff. The friend always always always talks more and more shit the farther away from us he gets. I guess your balls start to drop back out of your body when you realize that you're not going to get your face stomped in by guys twice your size and sober.

So we all looked around, realized how many of us actually were standing there, and laughed at the two white trash pieces of shit and went back about our business.

Good times.


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