Friday, March 02, 2007

Fun with Girls

A girl walks up to the bar I was standing behind at about 2:15am last night and asked for a beer.

"Sorry, it's after 2. We're done serving for the night," I tell her.

"But you and that girl just took a shot with him!" she said, motioning to the bartender I was standing next to and the guy sitting at the bar opposite from us.

"Sorry, we all work here."

"But that's not fair!" she whines.

It was about this point I wanted to tell her the many many reasons why I wouldn't sell her a beer. Apparently, the fact that it is against the law to serve alcohol after 2am wasn't enough for her. I could have mentioned that I believed she would finish the beer very slowly and thus not leave the bar for another 15 minutes. This would make me stay at the bar even later. It was the slowest Thursday that the bar has ever seen and the staff had spent the majority of the night drinking, purely out of boredom, and thus had very little patience to explain to a drunk girl why she wouldn't be getting a beer.

"Tough shit."

"You're an asshole," she snaps at me and walks back to her group of friends, now the only 5 people left in the bar.

I watched her relay her story to her friends and I began getting some very mean looks from the guys she was with.

I was drunk so I didn't really give a shit at this point so I popped open a beer for myself where they could see it, and walked to the back room to wash some glasses.

A few minutes later I wandered up to the door just in time to see the end of a nasty exchange between the guy working the door for the night and one of drunk girls male friends.

She must have really wanted that beer.


A few nights ago I was lucky enough to witness a girl smack the shit out of a guy. So, in my infinite wisdom I walked up and told the her she needed to leave. I had just caught this girl in the guys bathroom not 2 minutes before, pinning the guy against the wall yelling at him, and she wasn't happy I told her she wasn't allowed in the guys room. So I didn't really expect her to go quietly.

"But he spit in my face!" she said, while wiping her face off.

"Yea, and he bit my boob!" her friend chimed in.

"I'm sorry that happened, but you should have gotten one of us before you hauled off and hit him," I say.

The fact is, I saw the guy spit in her face. While that would normally be grounds to kick him out in my book, she reared back and hit him in return. So now I had to kick everyone out and I chose to pick the violent one to escort out first. Only, she wasn't having that.

"Do you know who I am??" the drunk girl screeched at me.

I sighed. Not this again. I was trying to be nice at first, but she had just dropped a common line that let me know this conversation would not be fun.

"No. I have no clue who you are."

"My dad's a lawyer! I'm gonna sue the fuck out of you and this bar! You're just taking his side because you're a guy," she screamed at me, her friend holding her back slightly.

"I really don't give a fuck who anyone is here. Give daddy a call. Right now, if you want to. He'll tell you that by refusing to leave that's a crime called criminal trespass and if you don't walk out the door right now the cops will give you a nice little room for the night at county," I say.

She pushed me.

"Look," I said, glaring a hole through her head. Now I was pissed. "That's your freebee. That dude over there might take it, but if you try to hit me then I'll drag you out of here by your fucking hair. You want to fight like a man, I'll throw you out like a man. I don't give a fuck if you're a girl. Now get out."

Her friend grabbed her arm and started dragging her to the door. She kicked a chair over on the way out.

"You fucking juicehead! Steroids make your dick shrink! Asshole!" she called out to me over her friends shoulder as she was led out.

By the time I walked them out, the guy and his buddy had left as well. I planned on talking to them about spitting in her face, but I didn't get the chance. Oh well.

Another night in paradise.


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