Sunday, December 10, 2006

Frustrating

I typically hear stories about how people think that bouncers are just thugs who like to beat people up. The truth is, part of our job is to break up fights. Often that requires us to fight, so technically part of our job is to fight. This leads us to be viewed as wild, untamed animals who are out to bust heads at any chance we get. This is not true. It's just not accurate.

The truth is that I don't like to fight. I simply don't enjoy it. But it doesn't bother me either. I'm neutral on the subject. But standing at that damn door for 7 hours a night checking hundreds upon hundreds of IDs and hearing the same fucking line over and over again gets me fucking pissed and when a fight breaks out, I unleash my frustrations sometimes.


Them: "Are you serious? You're carding me? I'm 23 years old!!!

What I want to say: "Are you a fucking celebrity? Do I know you? Do I look like a psychic? Then show your goddamn ID to prove your age and quit holding my line up, shithead."


Them: "I'm old enough to be your dad"

What I want to say: "Keep your wrinkled old trap shut, show me your ID and leave me the fuck alone."


Them: "Take it out of my wallet? Are you serious??"

What I want to say: "Yes, frat boy. I am. Take it out of your wallet and show it to me or I'll sling you into the tree by your goofy looking shaggy hair, fucko."


Them: "But I'm not going to drink. I promise!! I'm the DD! My friends are in there!!!!!"

What I want to do: Exact a painfully slow death upon them for asking such a stupid question.


Them: "I can't take my drink outside? I can't smoke inside? I can't stand in the doorway? So what am I supposed to do????"

Stop talking to me, stop talking to me, stop talking to me.



Imagine hearing those lines about two hundred times in one night and eventually you'll flip your shit on someone. You'll release all of that pent up energy from holding back during the other one hundred and ninty-nine times you gritted your teeth and remained silent and just did your job, and as soon as the chance comes around to talk shit to someone, or drag someone out, and if the person deserves it, you give them that extra shove into the door frame on the way out. Or you just say everything you've wanted to say to every other fucking disrespectful, thinks-they're-bigger-than-life-frat-boy-with-mommy-and-daddys-credit-card, you and 3 or 4 other bouncers who are sick of the exact same nonsense team up on this shit stain that crossed the line. You do everything you've wanted to do for God knows how long to this stupid drunk customer.

And it feels good. And then the cycle repeats itself.

There really needs to be an FAQ that every person who comes downtown much commit to memory before they are allowed out. This would save me soooo much frustration.

1 Comments:

At 2:39 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

There really needs to be an FAQ that every person who comes downtown much commit to memory before they are allowed out. This would save me soooo much frustration.

Try this:

http://tinyurl.com/42g8
(Modern Drunkard Magazine)

 

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