I bartend on occasion where I work. Not much now, but I used to bartend a lot. I think I'm an angry bartender. So I wasn't amused at all when I closed a guys tab for him like he asked, and then he promptly stiffed me on a $35 dollar check and threw it back in my face.

I happily (or angrily, depending on how you look at it) escorted him to the door, making him feel as uncomfortable as I could.

He didn't necessarily deserve to get kicked out in the manner that I did for what his actions, but I was getting stiffed all fucking night. The guy that was buying the "cheapest beer we had" and not tipping, but promising to leave a "fat tip at the end of the night" pissed me off to no end, but I was much more sober at that point in the night so I let it slide. So sadly, the guy who stiffed me and pissed me off when I was drunk at 2am felt my wrath while the original cheap-beer-drinking-frat-boy really deserved it.

Sometimes I can't wait to get out of this fucking job. So why don't I quit? Who knows.

Last night was a typical night. I worked the door for the entire night checking IDs or helping the other guy who was checking IDs. Most times on weekend nights (this was a slower night however) we staff more than one person at the door. This helps alleviate the stress of lots of drunk college kids trying to cram their pathetic excuse of a fake ID in your face.

I reject a significant number of fake and/or altered IDs. For the most part we don't take them up, unless I'm in a bad mood or I've been drinking...or both. I consider the place I work at to be pretty tough on bad IDs, but being in a town where the general attitude is extremely lax about IDs in the first place, we probably pale in comparison to other cities standards. Thus, this creates an atmosphere where there are tons of underage kids out drinking and when they get rejected, it's a surprise to them. They're just not used to it, and they're drunk so they want to run their mouths. This is partially why one drunk, underaged and privledged frat boy ended up tossed onto the sidewalk after repeatedly calling the other guy checking IDs names for rejected his horribly outdated fake ID that wasn't him.

The first girl I rejected for a pretty bad fake immediately fessed up that she wasn't 21 and it was "only a month until she turned 21" and she "really really wanted to go inside so could she give me a hug and then go inside if she really didn't drink much?"

My reply:

"OHHHHHHHHH, I was under the impression that you really weren't THAT interested in going inside. Now that I know that you really want to go inside...SURE. In fact, bring all your other underaged friends, as long as they really want to go inside and party. I mean, they DO pay me to check IDs and spot fakes, but I can always make an exception for the people who are serious about going inside."

This brought the usual "but I was just in here last night" and "I know so and so!" and "I promise I won't drink much!" etc. etc. We were unimpressed and ignored her at that point.

When she realized she wasn't getting in, she sat near the door with a pouty face on while the rest of us just laughed at her. Funny.

A lot of people try and say that some guys who work the door at a club or bar are huge assholes. They're 100% right. Anyone who works a door for a significant amount of time has heard it all before. Customers use the same excuses for why they should be allowed in, regardless of their lack of a real ID, the fact that the doors closed 20 minutes ago, or they're out of dress code or whatever. So we get sick of hearing the same tired old excuses and the same tired old attitudes night after night for us simply doing our job. Thus, a jaded door guy is born and we try to entertain ourselves by giving a witty reply, or just generally trying to humiliate someone so we can get our kicks, if for no other reason.

Another girl I rejected told me it was cool that I got my kicks out of rejecting people. I was obviously on a power trip and I ruined her friends night. I told her I wouldn't lose any sleep over it and to come back when her friend turned 21 so I could find another reason to reject her then. I'm not exactly sure how underaged kids decide its my fault for them being under 21 and spotting their fake. As if I went out of their way to invite them down here only to deny them entry.

A drunk thug wanna-be spent a majority of the night in the middle of the multi-laned road in front of the bar talking on his cell phone. We eventually started a pool to bet at what time he would get hit by a car. Sadly, it never happened.

A couple of other kids were escorted out for trying to steal liquor at the end of the night. One thing I've learned about drunks is that they will steal anything that's not practically nailed down. Several years ago I had a kid find his way to the overstock closet where a fridge is kept stocked full of beer in case behind the bar runs out. He helped himself to every beer he could stuff in his cargo pants and topped that off with a CO2 tank which weighs about 30 pounds. Somehow he got past the guy working the door when I spotted him from the back of the bar walking out with all that stuff. We caught him down the sidewalk and took our stuff back. But seriously, what in the fuck would anyone do with a CO2 tank? It's stealing just to steal! It's fucking ridiculous.

Anyhow, I'm rambling, but all of that happened just last night, which was actually sort of a slow night. Good times.

This was a funny one

Working the door at any establishment that sells alcohol leaves you open to a lot of interesting, funny, unbelievable, and at times, scary, situations. This is especially true if the establishment you work at has rules about who can and can't come in in terms of dress code, capacity of the bar, their policy on fake/altered IDs etc. etc. Thus, whoever is working the door can be the subject of some rude or just downright mean people when rejecting someone.

If I had a dime for every time I was called a name at the door, to say I'd be a rich man would be an understatement. This time was particularly funny because I managed to get someone to call me an asshole without even saying a single word. It was great.

A couple walk up to me while I'm at the door. The guy is thugged out in jeans that have to be held up by some magical force because the wasteline of his jeans are somewhere around his knees. Topped off with a 3000XXXL huge white t-shirt, crooked hat, do-rag, bling (no doubt real) and a grill he looks like he walked straight out of a gangster rap video. His girlfriend is no better.

"Dude, listen dog, I lost mah homie and I think he might be in yo club. He's wearin' this fly blue...."

I look at the guy silently and wonder how many hours a day he spends watching BET. He obviously picks up on this.

".....MAAAAN, you bouncers round here are ASSHOLES. I was just ova at tha (insert bar name) and they wouldn't let me in cause I ain't got no collared shirt on. That's some BULLSHIT. Why you givin me this attitude, dawg??"

"I haven't said a word to you."

"But I know what you goin ta say, you ain't gonna let me in..."

"That's right."

"Maaaan...you ALL assholes around here. We ain't even from this town and we get treated like shit."

"Have a great night."

They walked away pissed off. I mean seriously....does anyone who dresses like that actually expect to be taken seriously? Unbelievable.

Well I finally started a blog to outline my ridiculous stories from working in a bar. I've wanted to do this for a long time but didn't, for lack of a better excuse, because I was just too damn lazy. Or drunk. Or both. Who knows?

Let me give a little background on myself. I live in Athens, Georgia which is home to several colleges, the most prominent one being the University of Georgia which has 35,000+ students. I have worked in the downtown bar business for several years in every possible position at several different bars and have come to love and hate it. However, I started as a member of the floor staff at the first bar I worked at and found it to be my real "passion" in terms of working at a bar. If that's even possible to have a passion while working at a bar...bartending is fun but I have way more fun fucking with customers at the door while I check IDs.

Anyway, I've been working downtown for years and years (no specifics) which is a lifetime in terms of downtown bar employees. I've found most people who work downtown have a shelf life of about a year before they either graduate college, get fed up with dealing with drunks and a fucked up sleeping schedule, or just don't like hard work. For some reason I've continued working downtown for as long as I have simply because I like the excitement of bar work. Make no mistake, this is not what I want to do as a living forever...I have other things I'd like to do that I would call more of a "career" as opposed to this, but the temptation to fuck with dumb college kids is pretty irresistable right now.

I've decided to remain annonymous while posting in this blog only because I don't really want any attention. I fully expect absolutely no one to read this, however, if people ever discover it I really wouldn't want some random kid who I don't even know to ask me about some bullshit post I may write in the future. Also, details surrounding my place of employment will be very scarce. Athens is a pretty small place, especially the downtown scene and it wouldn't take too much detective work to figure out where I work or who I am.

The money is great (when you're working for a bar owner who doesn't screw you over, which can be tough to find around here), the hours are horrible, the customers are grossly underage and have absolutely no clue as to what proper behavior is and even less of a clue as to their tolerance level since mommy and daddy dropped them off in Athens to go to college and left them with their credit card. Out of the house for the first time, they discover the downtown scene and get ridiculously drunk every weekend night, puke everywhere, start fights, talk shit, and generally make my time at work extremely fucking annoying. However, I figure doing this job right now is better than getting the typical nine to five, and it generally leaves my afternoons free to hit the gym, sleep in and do whatever else I need to do.

Anyway, thats the general background on me. I'll probably come back and edit this and hopefully start adding some funny stories very soon.