Friday, September 25, 2009

A Preview

Expect more of this during home game number #2 this weekend.

I'll be the guy on the sidewalk hysterically laughing when the handcuffs go on.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Saga Continues...

Too little, too late, in my opinion.

This guy is a moron.

Monday, September 21, 2009

A Rant

So when someone at the bar decides to be a jackass to me without any reason, I usually respond in kind. Of course, not without attempting to fix the problem first, however.

This is what I mean: For example, if someone has a drink that they don't like or isn't made how they expected it to be made, I'll offer to fix it for them. I'll remake it. Last week I even saw a guy get his drink knocked out of his hands and all over his girlfriend. The guy who bumped into him and caused it to happen didn't do shit, of course. He walked away without so much as an apology. What did I do? I got him and her a brand new drink, on the house. I'm a nice guy sometimes, believe it or not.

The problem comes when they believe that its my duty to fix whatever problem they have regardless of the costs. They're out of dress code and I won't let them inside? Well, the obvious first reaction is for them to call me racist. Even if I suggest they tuck in their shirt in order to comply with the required dress code that I didn't even come up with, I'm still a racist. The drink that they have isn't to their liking? Their reaction is to call me a terrible bartender, even if I try to make the situation right. They can't get a song they want played? Well, obviously I'm in control of the music up here at the door, so please feel free to get upset at me for the choice in song selection.

The bottom line is that I represent the bar as a whole, regardless of what I'm doing, and if someone isn't pleased with something and can't be made to be happy, then they'll let me know in no uncertain terms that I'm a horrible worker/person/etc, etc.

The wonderful part, for me, about this is that if someone isn't happy and can't be made to be happy and wants to be dick then I feel free to make sure that they know they're a dick. I'll let them know that they can go fuck themselves if they're not happy, and when they fuck themselves, they are more than welcome to do it anywhere but inside the bar because they're now being kicked out.

It's a shock to some people that there's a limit to my generosity. I'm not going to unconditionally apply myself to fixing your problem because I simply don't care that much. If the efforts I've made to gain your satisfaction aren't up to your standards, then please feel free to go find the bar that really wants to remake your fucking Mojito eighteen more times.

Oh, you don't want to leave? My cursing at you has you offended? I apologize. But seriously, go fuck yourself. Take my picture with your camera phone and threaten to call my boss to get me fired. He's actually watching this unfold right now on our closed-circuit camera system and he won't be your savior for your supposed undeserved slight by myself. In fact, if you don't leave then you're actually giving me permission to physically show you to the door and get your complaining, drunken attitude out of my normally peaceful bar.

It's all very satisfying dealing with a complaining jerk like this.

Which is why it's so frustrating at my other job. It's a corporate restaurant where I can't show my guests my middle finger and extensive understanding of various 4 lettered words and my ability to cleverly place them into threatening sentences. That is, if I care about keeping my job. Which I do. Physical shows of force are totally out of the question. The policies that we have there are in stark contrast to whats permitted at the bar, much to my dismay.

So the gentlemen who came into the restaurant last night, and has for the past several Sunday nights, and gets the filet mignon and complains every single fucking time, of course wanted to receive his steak for free yet again. I didn't give it to him, and I charged him for every single glass of wine he drank as well, unlike previous times. In a nice, formal, upscale restaurant, this guy was a complete dick. He wanted items we don't even carry, and when it wasn't made how he wanted it, he complained. He told me his request was "basic" and "very simple". It "wasn't rocket science". I offered to have it re-made, but he said he was "starving" and didn't want to wait.

I wanted to tell him that if he wants bread and extra virgin olive oil, then I would be more than happy to give him direction to Macaroni Grill or Olive Garden. We don't even charge for bread, so for him to make a big fucking deal out of something he's not even paying for didn't make a bit of sense to me. But of course, I bit my tongue. When his steak came out, predictably he was not happy. I wasn't surprised, either. At one point when I asked how everything was, he simply looked up from his food and glared at me for an uncomfortably long time and stated simply, "It's fine". All of this I took in stride and kept my fake smile and cheery demeanor plastered on my face throughout his temper tantrum.

I was even more confused when he left me $15 on $50, but regardless, I still wanted to follow his yuppie ass out to the parking lot on his way to his BMW and show him exactly how I felt.

What a dipshit. Sometimes the bar really is the best place for me, because I can honestly communicate my sincere feelings of hate and disgust for those who truly deserve it.

21+? Definitely.

I agree with this.

I've worked at 18+ clubs before, and they're a headache. On top of all the normal shit that we have to watch out for, now we have to make sure a bunch of people without wristbands or big black X's on their hands aren't drinking. There's only one of me and there's hundreds of them, so obviously I'm not going to catch them all.

And consider this: 21+ bars have their underaged kids in them, as all bars do. They might be 18, 19, or 20 and have a fake ID. We try to keep them out, but realistically, its just not possible to catch them all.

An 18+ place can have kids younger than that in there, if you can believe it. The crowd looks that much younger, and it wouldn't be totally unheard of to have a 15 year old kid slip in with their older siblings ID. At that point, it's only a matter of time before they get their hands on some booze and then pass out in the bathroom covered in their own puke. Then I get to wake them up and begin the process of figuring out who their friends are and how to get them home without them getting arrested.

And with all of the ridiculous laws that Athens-Clarke county has, can you believe that theres no law requiring a person to be a certain age to be inside of a bar? Only to drink, mind you. Door staff can get arrested for their missteps, we can't drink on the job, and we have to be a minimum of 21 years old, but its perfectly legal to let in a 16 year old girl as long as she doesn't drink.


I applaude Magnolias/Tasty World for going above and beyond to held get rid of the underaged crowd at their bar. I know I wouldn't want to deal with it.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Underaged and Arrested?

What do you get when you add up the following?

Alcohol + Fraternities + Underage Kids + Fake IDs + Bourbon Street + Puking in a Taxi

The answer?

A free stay at the Athens-Clarke County Jail!

This idiot not only gets arrested, but is now taking his fraternity down with him by wanting to pursue hazing charges. I'll bet his "brothers for life" won't be by his side as he goes through the legal system, and systematically gets booted from his fraternity at the same time.

Good move, man.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

More from the AJC...

...from North Campus the next morning.

I've been to a few pretty wild tailgating partys at North Campus before, but I've never seen a mess quite like this before.

Personally, I couldn't care less. I'm not a UGA student, and the bigger mess thats left tailgating means there's more people out to come booze it up at the bars that night, which means more money for me (and the bar). has to beg the question: Who does this? Where does 70 tons of trash come from? How can you bring so much shit to tailgate with, and then just leave it lying everywhere?

I'll tell you who. The same shitheads who drunkenly stagger up to me at the door at the bar at 1:30am, bitching that I won't let them in because they've been binge drinking for the past 12 hours. They're so drunk they can't understand why I won't let them inside, and are even less likely to remember that they left their coolers, tailgating tents, dozens of used solo cups they used for beer pong, and torn-open trash bags full of their shit all over the fucking place on campus.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

North Campus After the Game

I've never seen anything quite like it.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The South Carolina Game

What a weekend. I mean, really. Some of the things that went on were right up my alley, if my alley consists of things that are loud, aggravating, and drunken.

A quick preview to a few highlights of the weekend that made the paper can be found here, here, and here.

I spent most of the evenings at the door, as usual, and mostly felt like a pinball being bounced from person to person on the clogged sidewalks while trying in vain to organize some semblance of a line outside the bar.

I laughed at the guy whom I overheard bragging to the door guys at the bar next door that he "fights UFC". I think that he meant that he "fights MMA", but I doubt he does anything but watch a lot of UFC fights on pay per view. Saying that you "fight UFC" is a lot like saying that you "play NFL" instead of saying that you "play football".

As the bar was letting out Friday night, I found one polite drunken pudgy gentleman, dressed in standard frat gear, standing fairly close to me watching the parade of drunk people slowly trickeling out from inside.

"Wow, man. There's so many hot girls in there. I bet you get a ton of pussy every night."

"I guess," I said, not making eye contact and turning my head away from him. I wasn't interested in talking to anyone else that night. Especially not him on the subject of my door guy status giving me special powers to hook up with hot college girls.

"I mean, really. You must have your pick every night! I know you've got a few in there waiting for you. I used to work at The Library and On The Rocks. I know how it is," he went on. Of course he had to tell me he "used to" work downtown. As if I really gave a shit. As if that changes anything. But I knew why he was trying to shoot the shit with me.

He kept glancing at his cell phone while eyeing the people leaving. I knew what was next.

"So, bro...I got my friend inside. Can I go in? I know so-and-so," he went on, dropping a few names of people who I knew, people who used to work there, and a few people who really had no connection to the bar.

"Sorry man, we closed up our doors a half hour ago. Everybody's letting out, though. Your friend will be out here soon enough," I said. He looked disappointed, but it was late and I didn't care. With that, I left the door to help take some garbage out and came back a moment later to find the other door guy in a heated conversation with the same guy.

"You have no idea who I am," the drunk frat boy challenged the other door guy.

"What's the problem?" I asked him. "I thought we already said you couldn't come in."

"Yea, but I know your manager. You guys are going to lose all of your sponsors. That money is going to burn a hole in your pocket and disappear, and you're going to lose your job" he threatened us.

"What the hell are you talking about? What business are you with?" I countered.

"Name one. I represent them all," he answered.

"Alright, man," I said as I made my way back inside and began to shut the front door. He was still standing on the sidewalk looking at us, although from a little farther away. "Tell you what. How about you walk your ass over here to me so I can turn you upside down and drop you on your head. Go shove your bullshit sponsorship story up your ass, you fat fuck. Get over here!"

Sadly, he didn't oblige my request and walked away. I sincerely fear my loss of his money very soon.

Game day night wasn't much better. The newspaper stories about fist fights downtown wasn't too far off from the sorts of things that were going on everywhere. I'm too old for this shit.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

It's Time....Again

It's that wonderful time, yet again.

In just about 3 days, the Georgia Bulldogs will begin to play the very first home game in our very own Athens, Georgia, against South Carolina. Kickoff is at 7pm, and I anticipate nothing but an entire day filled with drunken debauchery, shouting, screaming, fighting, binge drinking, vomiting, barking, and practically anything else you could think of that's inappropriate anywhere else in the world, but perfectly acceptable when you're 19 and in Athens on gameday. The odds are, most of these things will happen in my general vicinity, as usual.

Last weekend we were fortunate enough to preview some of the things that we'll be lucky enough to deal with throughout this upcoming weekend. We threw some kids out for groping a girl. Pretty standard. Of course, we were blamed for the entire scenario as we escorted the gentlemen out. His friend - thankfully for him - saved him from a more uncomfortable scenario because his behavior on the trip to the door would have normally required a greater physical response from us. Take note: this is why you go out with your friends. When you're an idiot, they can help you avoid things like a violent ejection from a bar. You owe your buddy, dude.

The standard responses at the door were ever-present, as well. One rather pleasant gentlemen tried to convince me to let in a group of underaged, out of dress code football players. He was of age, so I let him in...however, his buddies wore items that I couldn't overlook. On top of that, they showed me ID's that clearly showed they weren't 21.

Of course, he couldn't seem to accept that I wouldn't let them in. He argued, pleaded, and threatened to speak with my manager. Really? What did you really think your argument would be to my boss, exactly? That we're not breaking the law for the football team? In addition, UGA lost earlier that night to Oklahoma State. I also had to wonder how these so called "football players" had already made the 900+ mile trip back to Athens and managed to make it out to party that same night. Why should I do any favors to a football team who can't win? Joe Cox, as I correctly predicted, blew it. Prepare for more of that this season, folks.

Finally, we officially have a douchebag boyfriend who sticks around after we've closed to wait for one of our new bartenders - his girlfriend. We suspect that he very much dislikes her working in a bar. She's an attractive girl and I don't blame him for being protective. But I think it has much more to do with the fact that he's a complete dick. His conversation with one of our door guys upon closing went something like this as he sat in a chair in the front of the bar as it was emptying out:

"Hey, we're clearing out the front of the bar and you need to wait for New Bartender in the back while she finishes up," said Overly Nice Doorguy.

"Nah, I'm cool right here," Douchebag said, sitting in a chair directly in front of a front window, arms crossed.

"No, you don't understand. If you want to wait for NB, then you need to wait in the back for her," Nice Doorguy pressed.

"I'm not fucking moving. I'm sitting here," Douchebag retored.

This is where I would have dismissed the idea of him staying to wait, and quickly showed him the front door where he could wait on the fucking sidewalk with this rest of the drunken shitbirds who wanted to be inside. Nice Doorguy, however, has a much higher tolerance than myself and finally talked him into moving somehow.

Again, just a brief preview of what we'll get to happily deal with come this weekend, when Athens is overrun with football fans for the first home game. I can't wait.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Interesting Video

I found this today and thought it was quite interesting. Typical drunk patron who was asked to leave spends his remaining time harassing the door guys from the sidewalk. Of course there was the obviously drunk onlooker who thought it was in everyones best interest to get involved, and at one point, shove one of the door guys who was trying to calm the situation. Watch the video and judge for yourself. A few things to keep in mind: The guy being choked always was moving his legs or arms. He was never unconscious from what I could see.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

About Time

I've been talking about doing this shit for years now.

The bars downtown - if the owners/staff allow it - are havens for drug dealers. They're dark, loud, and most everyone is hammered, so it can go unnoticed fairly easily. Most of the time those drug dealers have a lot of extra cash to throw around and usually spend it at the bar, so the owners don't mind turning a blind eye if they're selling some dope on the side to customers who would end up having it anyway.

I'm lucky to have avoided those kinds of bars, for the most part, throughout my employement downtown. They attract the worst of the worst as far as customers go, and a coke bar goes downhill very fast.

I wonder what took the cops so long to do these sorts of busts? They're a great idea and if the cops would spend a little time poking around inside the bars that have the bad reputation for drugs, they'd make a whole lot more felony arrests for drug possession/distribution instead of arresting underaged drinkers for misdemeanors.

Personally, I'd rather see a drug dealer behind bars than a 19 year old college kid who just happened to get caught drinking like the rest of the college population throughout the entire country.