Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Excitement of my Upcoming Weekend...

Tonight I again will find myself among hordes of drunk college kids for the millionth time, it seems. I'm going to walk around in the bar for the duration, clean up spilled drinks, trash, puke, and various other human fluids that I find throughout my several hour shift.

I'm simply thrilled at the thought of this.

If I'm especially unlucky, there will be a fight. I'll be left with the responsibility of stopping said fight, and ejecting the most guilty party. They're all guilty as far as I'm concerned, and eventually I kick them all out. If they don't want to stop then I'll have to physically eject them. I don't like this because it usually means that I risk getting hurt, and I don't like to get hurt. Getting hurt means I risk losing income because of an injury, and that just pisses me off.

I'll probably have some uncomfortable conversations against my will with kids who want me to join them in their drunken night, and share the joy that they feel after drinking a dozen cheap drinks at one of the many power hours that various bars offer early in the evening. I'll be completely sober which means I'll be annoyed, and I won't even attempt to try to understand the elation they're feeling at that particular moment. By the end of this unwanted conversation, I'll come off as a dick and/or an asshole. I'm okay with that.

The end of the night is the best. The lights come on and everyone shuffles towards the door and I get to continue cleaning for another hour or so. By the time I walk out of the front door, downtown will be fairly empty and I'll be on my way back home, ready to get up at fucking 9am to go to my other job. weekend in a nutshell. I hope you've got better plans for your Saturday night than this.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Well it's official. I'm back.

...sort of.

I've agreed to help the bar I used to work at temporarily and on a very limited basis. Last weekend was my first night back in quite some time, minus the few nights I helped several months back.

I stood at the door, just like I used to do, and of course I was rained on the entire night. Literally and figuratively. Surprisingly, the rain of insults and threats wasn't quite as heavy as I remember it being, but perhaps it was just an off night.

Downtown was packed, as I knew it would be, and we were overwhelmed at the door by the massive crowds, as I knew we would be.

I saw one kid get incredibly angry at the door guy working at the bar adjacent to mine because he was refused entry. He was refused entry because all he had was his DUI citation. The police had, apparently, taken his license away. Standard protocol for these alcoholics is to blame everyone else for their misfortune, forgetting that the entire reason that they have no license is their fault. The door guy, all 130 lbs of him, stood his ground and wouldn't let the drunk in. I was proud.

We had a funny little shoving match at one point at the door. The hordes of people made this very confusing and I stood there, not willing to wade through the ocean of drunk college kids to break something up on the sidewalk, which was far outside of my jurisdiction. Plus, I just didn't care.

I saw a guy puke on himself. Always quite entertaining, in a very nauseating way.

As I left the bar, I saw another girl hunched over on the sidewalk, her guts spilled out onto the ground with two of her friends flanking her, rubbing her back. On the drive home, I passed through one of the many roadblocks I had heard about all night. Of course, being the sober driver that I am, I passed through just fine.

But all to say, I'll post a few new ones this weekend, given that theres something worth posting, after I work there this Saturday night.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A Repost, Yet Still Important...

I wrote this a few years ago, I think, and it still applies as much today as it did then. If you're new to Athens and you've just stumbled upon this website, then please read this and take it to heart before you drink yourself into a fucking vomit-soaked blackout this weekend after your first full week of school. Seriously, be careful.

Something I've noticed, and have expected, is the influx of kids - girls, especially, because they make great targets - who have no experience, or business or that matter - being in bars downtown. They aren't aware of their lack of a tolerance, they're not totally familiar with downtown and the places they should or should not go after dark, and overall, to stay in touch with their friends when out drinking.

So if you or your friends are new to the downtown "experience", then please watch out for each other. Especially since there are so many freshmen around who don't know their limits, gamedays with 8-10+ hours of drinking, and a plethora of jerkoffs who have no problem taking advantange of underaged, drunk girls.

Keep an eye on your drinks. Don't leave them unattended. Recently, there was an instance of a guy being caught slipping xanax into a girls drink and was busted doing so. Thank God the cops were around because if it was up to me, we would beat these people senseless.

It's easy to become complacent in caring for your own safety, especially in an environment like downtown on the "college side" where everyone seems friendly and similiar in age, but trust me, there are people out who don't give a shit about who you are, where you came from, or who your daddy is. They're only out to get what they want, and they don't care who they hurt to get it.

If you have a problem, or you've lost your friends, or feel threatened by anyone, grab a cop. They're riding around on bicycles all night. Tell a doorguy or a bartender. Contrary to recent comments, nearly all of us are guys who will go out of our way to help anyone truly in need, and I don't know any doorguy who wouldn't do all that he could to protect a girl being harrassed by shithead guys.

So please, don't make yourself a target. Watch out for each other. Ask for help if you need it. Take care of each other when you've had too much, take a cab home or make sure you have a sober ride, and most of all, stay with your friends at all times.

This ends your friendly public service-type announcement.

Monday, August 17, 2009

First of Many

And the ridiculousness of the fall semester begins downtown.

You'll see many more stories like this one throughout the next few months.


In upcoming news, I have some things I'd like to announce to the 3 people who still read this blog in the next week or two.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

A Revisit to Downtown

I've got to be honest here...I picked up a few shifts at my old stomping grounds recently. "Recently" as in about a month ago.

I put on the old shirt, and tucked the familiar rags under my belt and sat at the same familiar door to check a bunch of IDs of a bunch of kids who looked frighteningly much younger than I remembered them looking.

It was exactly the same. Only, the people I used to know weren't around anymore. The regulars I remembered were fewer and father between IDs that I checked than I remembered. But the same fucking stupid ass lines were identical to the ones I began hearing when I started so many years ago:

"But my friend is in there! Let me in!" No.

"You're kicking me out? But I don't know where my flip flops went....or my shirt." Oh, geez. Just get out.

"Are you serious? My clothes are too baggy?" Yes, shithead. Jesus...this argument again?

"I've never seen you before! Are you new here?" Sure. I'm new. It's my first night.

I picked up a few shifts as a favor, but also because I was interested in seeing what it was still like. Mostly it was a favor, but when I found myself in the middle of an extremely bad situation that was about to get much worse, I had to wonder exactly what I was getting paid that night. It took about a split second for the girl-screaming to turn into girl-punching and hair-pulling.

As I took a very uncooperative girl into a hold to restrain her, I waited for the sucker punch to come from her pissed off boyfriend. Luckily for me, it never came and I managed to finish that particular night unscathed, which was fantastic.

The shifts I picked up ended eventually and we cleaned up and proceeded to binge drink like the old days.

Honestly, I'm glad I did it and perhaps I'll do it again soon if they'll let me. But it was nice to know that the next weekend I didn't have to show up again.