College Students Can't Tip

Not exactly breaking news, is it?

This doesn't apply to every college kid who comes into a bar, but when I go through credit card receipts at the end of the night and look at what people tipped, I'm always left a little wanting.

A lot wanting, actually.

You motherfuckers can't tip! Or don't know how to. Or refuse to.

Either way, I offer this tutorial on how to tip, specific to Athens. It's actually pretty simple. Keep in mind this is the bare minimum.

Cash Transactions:

1 beer = $1

It doesn't matter if the beer is .25 cents or $5. Tip ONE dollar. Or more, if you'd like. There's no ceiling for this, but there is a minimum.

1 Liquor drink = $1 - $2 dollars. Preferably $2.

Shots? For a round of 4 jagerbombs that go for $4.50 apiece, which would be an $18 dollar tab, $2-$3 dollars is acceptable. Please note the difference between acceptable and preferable.

Credit Cards:

Tip 20%. Nothing less. Bottom line.

This is about as simple as I can make it. If you order more complicated drinks such as martinis, mojitos, or any shit that requires more than one garnish, more than 3 ingredients or some kind of caramel or chocolate syrup in the glass, you better be prepared to cough up 3 or 4 bucks per drink, especially when we're slammed.

And the old rule continunes to remain true: Tip big on your first round and your bartender, if they're worth a shit, will remember you and make you a priority the rest of the night. Or, at least, they won't intentionally ignore you.

People will complain that they shouldn't have to tip on beer because all the bartender has to do is pop open a top and hand it to you. This is the opinion of the misinformed.

Before the bartender even had the chance to just "pop open the beer" for your sorry ass, they had to stock the cooler with multiple cases of beer. Fill up their wells with ice. Cut their fruit. Set out their barmats. Occasionally, restock their liquor. Wipe down the bartop. And then do it all again when their shift is over.

So cough up the money, motherfucker.

Sure, buying that beer is helping the owner of the bar, but as employees, we work off tips. Bartenders work strictly off tips, but doorguys do as well to an extent.

Some doorguys get paid by the hour + tips. Some doorguys get their "shift pay" plus tips. Some don't get anything but a percentage of the tips. But either way, we're getting a cut of that shit, and you better show us the money if you'd like to hang out for any length of time in my bar.

Shitty tippers and non tippers are quickly pointed out to us at the place I work at. There's a fuck-ton of college kids to usher inside the bar, so I could care less if I have to kick a few of you out for being a cheap little bitch.

And I do it all the fucking time.

There's no "hooking us up at the end of the night" or "getting us the next round". Don't promise us a "fat tip later" in the hopes that we'll forget. And especially don't pull the "I'll pretend to be putting money in the tip jar but then when the bartender turns around I'll not really drop it in".

We know your games. We know you're all cheap. So...if you don't have the money to tip, then you don't have the money to go out.

If you can't tip then keep your cheap ass at Bourbon Street and drink their watered down liquor for power hour and stay the fuck away from my bar.