Friday, November 16, 2007


"Hey," Bill said to me as I came back behind the bar. "This girl over here is looking for you." He pointed towards the opposite end of the bar.

I peered around the corner, one of the few things I'd learned to do over the years. Look before you leap, especially when random girls come around the bar asking for you by name. Your real name, that is.

I immediately recognized her as a girl who came around a lot during last summer. She was always by herself, and was always, always beyond any level of drunkenness I get to on a nightly basis. If it was possible for a girl to creep me out, then this girl took the cake, hands down.

She normally would stagger up to the bar and yell my name. When I would come over to see what she needed, she would simply stare at me with a half drunken smile and then repeat my name over and over again. She never really needed anything, except for the fact that she wanted my attention.

When I grew tired of her game, especially when we were slammed, I started ignoring her. Of course, this wouldn't stop her from yelling my name and spending a large portion of the night staring at me from the other side of the bar. It was worse when I was at the door, because I didn't have a huge hunk of wood to separate myself from her. At this point, though, I hadn't seen her in awhile and thought she was history. I suppose I was wrong.

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea, I don't want to come across as a guy all of the girls who come in pine over. I'm not. That distinction in the bar belongs to someone else, but if you work in a bar, especially a college bar, then you'll have your fans on some level regardless of how good looking you are or not. For whatever reason this girl chose me, much to my dismay.

"I told her you didn't work here anymore," Bill said.

"Good. That girl is absolutely nuts."

It was a good lie, but I needed to get some drinks, which necessitated me going behind the bar where she could see me. Of course, she did. The yelling started immediately. We were slow so I went over to see what she needed.

She stared at me with her drunken half smile and said my name.

"Hey, whats up? Can I get you something?" I said.

"I came alllll the way over here to come see you!" she drunkenly slurred.

"Really? From where?" I said, curious as to if she actually lived in Athens or not for future reference.

"My date night at Tasty World. But don't worry, I went to it alone."

"Oh. Well okay..."

She held her hand out. "Kiss it!" she demanded.


"Kiss my hand, or come around to this side and dance with me!" She staggered to the side a little bit and caught herself on the bar before she hit the ground. She was hammered. Her eyes were sagging a bit and she had the classic drunken goofy look on her face. Her eyes never left me.


So, of course, I stood there, not sure what to do.

"Just do it!" she slurred. "Come around here and give me a kiss and dance with me!" She motioned to her lips suggestively with her fingers.

"Okay," I finally said. "I'll dance with you. On one condition, though."

She looked at me hopefully. "What?"

"Flash me," I said.

"Huh? In front of all these people?" She looked confused.

"Sure, why not? Nobody's paying attention. Just do it," I pressured her.

"Hell no! I won't do that! I'm classy!" She sounded offended and furrowed her brow in confusion and anger.

With that, she spun around to walk away from the bar and promptly face-planted on the floor.

Problem solved. Hopefully.


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