Don't Be This Guy

So you've just moved back to Athens to start the new school year. Last year was a blast, so you're expecting this year to be nothing less than just as good, if not better, than the last. Sure, maybe you did a little more than your share of partying, but hey...you passed all your classes. And damn, you sure are glad that you've gotten yourself the hell away from your parents. Summer was fun, but you're ready to get back to Athens and party your ass off.

Moving day sucked. You're glad it's over. Mom and dad finally went home after helping you move in. You've got your own apartment now! Well...you and three other guys. At least it's better than the dorm last year...having that dickhead of an R.A. breathing down your neck every time you stumbled in drunk was a huge drag. You're living with some of your best friends that you made last year. Sure, Jon is on year 6 of college here, and David and Jim don't even go to UGA, they go to Athens Tech - when they're not hungover, that is - but this year will be nothing but a huge fucking party, that's for sure. Alcohol, some party favors, and a shit-ton of bitches...every night, all night.

The weekend is practically here. Jim went out and bought a few cases of that cheap ass Natural Light with his fake ID. You met your neighbors earlier, and they're some hotties. They might come over later. As for now, all four of you start pounding beers. Sure, it's only 8pm but hell...this weekend will be a fucking blast. You guys do a few bumps too, just to make sure you've got the energy to make it through the night.

The time has come. Those whores next door never showed, but that's okay. You're headed downtown. Bourbon Street is the first stop. Shit, they've got roadblocks all over the place, or so you hear, so you guys take the back roads to downtown and avoid it all. You walk in around 10:30 - just in time to buy 3 or 4 drinks apiece before power hour is over at 11pm. Damn you've got a good buzz going. Off to Firehouse! Those sluts at Bourbon Street won't pry themselves away from their groups of friends to even give you the time of day. Fuckin' freshmen. You're above all those 18 year olds now, anyway.

You walk into Firehouse with your crew, and you know this is the place where you'll find some girl to go home with you. A few failed attempts at dry humping some girls dancing doesn't dampen your spirit, either. Shots....we all need shots! A few rounds of jager bombs with your boys, and you're really feeling it now. That's not a problem because you've only got 20 bucks left. Shit, it's only 12am! You've got 2 more hours to find some sluts. Hit up the bathroom again real quick and you all finish those 2 grams the four of you have been working on since earlier and you are fucking on top of the world, son!

Now you're feeling invincible. Nobody can fuck with you or your boys. Even if you can't pick up some freshman slut, then at least you know that nobody will even want to think about throwing down with you and your crew. That motherfucker in the corner was giving you the eye so you go over to see what his problem is. Next thing you know you and your boys are getting drug out and find yourselves laying on the sidewalk outside. Fuckin' A. Those bouncers knew we weren't even playin' so they got us out quick before we put the smack down on those poor little fuckers. Even the bouncers didn't want to fuck with us, so they just went back inside when we told them we'd fuck them up too.

Whateva'. Next bar anyway. You try going into a place down the street that's really fucking packed. Somehow, you get in even though the dickheads at the door usually won't let you in. They normally don't want a playa like you in there who can take down their entire staff if they ever try and fuck wit' you. You walk in feeling 10 feet tall and you make sure everyone else thinks that about you too. The mixture of alcohol and blow has you feeling tight, yo! Grab a beer at the bar from that bitch of a bartender. Tip her a quarter, she don't even deserve anything more than that.

2am comes around and while you still aren't having much luck with snagging a girl - they're all too intimidated anyway since you've been gettin' jacked hittin' up the gym the last 2 months - you know that group of guys on the other side of the bar has been talkin' smack all night long about you and your crew. Fuck it, it's the end of the night, let's go show them muthafucka's what's up. David's been going to the hardcore gym all summer so you know he can fuck some dudes up. You and your crew walk over and before you know it, push comes to shove and it's on!

Out of nowhere, somebody clocks you on the side of your head. The last thing you remember is screaming and thrashing around among a sea of STAFF shirts and then everything goes black.

You wake up on the sidewalk in handcuffs. David is laying a few feet away from you, bloodied. Those bitches must have sucker punched him! Ain't no one ever get nothin' over on your boy, Dave! Into the back of the paddywagon all of you go. Those fuckin' bouncers must have done something sneaky, because nobody can pull nothin' on you and your boys.

As you step up into the back of the paddywagon, suddenly you realize...

Mom and Dad are gonna be pissed. Shit.