Friday, June 08, 2007

Talking to myself

A funny thing happens when I throw someone out, or we're engaged in some kind of altercation. I think it's funny.

When the shit hits the fan, I'll jump in immediately. Sometimes to a fault, however, overall I consider this a good thing because I don't freeze up. I act before I can think. I've worked with guys who freeze up when something happens. It pisses me off, and frankly, it's dangerous.

I'll be watching a situation, much like the guy shoving the girl recently, and something will happen and before I know it, I've got someone locked up.

Not to say I'm a huge tough guy, because while I have no real issue about dealing with 99% of our clientele, it would be naive of me to think I can bring down anyone who walks through our front door.

There's always someone tougher than you out there. And you better hope you don't run across him, because you just may find yourself at the receiving end of a boot to the head.

But I digress.

Two things happen when the proverbial shit hits the fan.

One, my mind goes blank. Or rather, my emotions just aren't there. I've never recalled feeling scared, or concerned, or angry or anything like that while in the midst of a fight. I tussle with a guy, and I will continue the process until they're out the door on the sidewalk. Preferably prone out on their back or in the gutter.

Not to say I've never been scared working downtown. That would just be a lie. I guess a more accurate word would be anxious. Anxiety is a fairly common feeling for me.

Two, things slow down. My thought process is almost comical, to a point, given the circumstances in which they enter my head.

Hey look self, this guy is throwing a punch at me. I think I'll get out of the way.

Hey self, this guy is trying to wrap me up. I think I'll get behind him and put him on his head.

Or...self, this has gone on too long and my muscles are starting to fatigue. This isn't good.

While on paper, it doesn't really come out like the way I hear it in my head, but if you've ever seen a bar fight, you know they can be quick and violent. If you're not paying attention to anything more than 3 feet in front of your face, like most people who are out and drinking, then it'll be over before you'll even know it started.

So for me to somehow have time to be having this internal monologue just comes across as really entertaining, if for no one else, then at least for myself.


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