Things not to do when ordering a drink:

-Wave your money or credit card around. Calm down, we can see you.

-Yell or snap your fingers. Once again...calm down; we can see you. If you do this too much you just may automatically send yourself to the back of the line.

-Have your shit ready. I.E. money, credit card, and your full order. Don't yell at me for 10 minutes while I'm busting my ass and then when I make it over to you, turn around and ask your friends what they want. When you turn back around I'll be gone.

-Don't make eye contact with the bartender if you don't plan on ordering a drink. I personally hate when people do this, because I'll end up going over to them a half dozen times to ask them what they need when they really don't need anything. This rule doesn't apply to hot girls.

-Don't place an order, then when I return with it order another one, and then when I return with that one, once again order something else. Order all your shit at once. I believe this is known as the ever-exapanding-drink-order.

-Don't tell me to "make it good". By saying that, you're automatically assuming that I normally make things bad. This is insulting.

-Don't tell me to "make it strong". More than likely you'll get a weak drink with a bit of 151 down your straw. Your reaction after your first sip makes me laugh.

-Don't ask for less or no ice. You still get the same amount of liquor, just more mixer. I know this is confusing for you to understand, but liquor costs money. The bar stays in business by selling liquor. For you to get more liquor requires more money from you, dear customer. Quit being cheap, ask for a double, and pay up.

-The fruit tray is not a buffet. Keep your dirty fingers out of it.

-Don't ask what the cheapest thing in the bar is. I'm going to say that it's you.

-Don't tell me that you'll "hook me up with a fat tip at the end of the night" to justify not tipping me after each order you make. This makes me want to stick my boot up your ass.

-Don't ask for something for free. I don't care if it's your birthday or not. Not only is this illegal, but if I don't know you then why the hell should I buy you anything? Somebody has to pay for it. On that note, there's this long-standing myth around here that on your birthday you get a free shot from each bar. UNTRUE.

-Yes, there is a $10 minimum on credit card tabs. I don't know of any bar around here who doesn't have that policy. Don't look at me like a two-headed alien when I inform you of this.

-Personally, I hate it when one customer continues to order drinks all night long and closes their credit card out each time they place an order. Not only does this cost the bar money per transaction, but it's time consuming and annoying. Open your tab and keep it open until you're ready to leave! Yes...quite a unique and novel idea, I know.

-Complicated orders when we're slammed piss me off. I'll begrudgingly make all your shit, but you'd better be damn sure next time I see that you're ready to order something I'll be a lot slower to make it over to you.


I'm sure I'll think of more after this is posted, but this is a good start.