Friday, June 22, 2007


It may be suprising to hear that my job is actually very boring 95% of the time. Unless you know otherwise, you may think that my nights are filled with nothing but drunken bar sluts, getting hammered, fighting, and talking shit with customers from the moment the doors open until we kick them all out at the end of the night. Sadly, this is not true. If it was, however, I would have burned out years ago.

I go to work, set up the things that need setting up, and then I stand there. I stand there for a long time, willing the clock to move forward faster. I stand there and wait and talk to my coworkers. We talk about a lot of things. We talk about getting tasers and tasing our problem customers and we laugh and joke about how fun that would be. We try to kill the extra time because the place I happen to work at doesn't get busy right off the bat.

We'll make fun of people on the sidewalk who are walking by. This is ok with me because if you choose to come downtown to "party" and make a fool of yourself, then as far as I'm concerned, you're fair game. You're a great target if you're blatantly underaged, or if your clothes look like they were made for a 500 pound man even though you weigh a buck twenty, or you're an overly drunk frat boy who can't walk in a straight line. We'll make fun of the idiots who get DUIs on the road in front of us on a nightly basis. We make fun of the drunk couple shoving their tongues down each others throat. We probably made fun of you if you drew attention to yourself the last time you were downtown at night. This helps pass the time.

We'll talk about our "regulars" and wonder how they could come out every single night of the week; how they can afford to do that, both money-wise and health-wise. The newer guys like to talk about fighting all the time, because thats what's interesting to new guys. The guys who have been around for awhile like to talk about sports, music, lifting weights, who their new lay is...anything other than the bar business. Which is ironic, because I'm one of the guys who's been around for awhile, yet I have a blog in which I write about bar shit. Pointless, useless bar shit.

What I'm really saying, essentially, is that I probably do about one hour of real, honest work per night. And out of that one hour, I probably spend a grand total of about 5 minutes fighting or talking shit to people we're kicking out. The rest of my time is taken up standing around, being bored, checking IDs, looking at hot college girls, and wanting to go home to my bed and hoping to take one of them with me.

I have a boring, boring job.


At 12:58 PM, Blogger Fishplate said...

I did it. Once. Then I decided I'd rather drink...


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