Relaxed

I've re-read my blog recently and have found that I come across as a pretty arrogant know it all asshole. I'm also not that great of a writer. There are a lot of past entries that I really wanted to edit while I re-read it all, but I won't.

The truth is, I'm not an asshole. I'm actually a pretty nice guy. A little reserved, maybe, until you get a few drinks in me.

But when writing some of these entries, I let what I think and what I've kept inside, out via the keyboard, unedited. I try to write my entries in such a way that they make sense to someone who has no idea what its like to work a door at a bar, but for the most part I've never focused on writing something that's "good", at least in the sense of writing as a talent. I use profanity, because that's normally how I'd like to relate my feelings to the customers who piss me off. Most of the times I don't treat my customers that way, but there are exceptions. I let out my frustrations on here.

Recently, however, my frustrations with customers has died down somewhat. I've found, at least over the last year, that it's exhausting to be so frustrated all of the time. And its felt pretty damn good to just be much more indifferent about it all.

There's a downside to this, however. Being indifferent makes me care a lot less about doing a good job while I'm working. I let things slide. I don't bust my ass like I used to. I'm detached. I don't care.

Another drawback, at least to anyone who gives a shit about reading this blog, is that I haven't put much effort into finding things to write about recently. At the moment, I'm at a loss for material. It seems to be getting a little redundant, at least from where I'm sitting.

Guy comes up to the door and I reject him. Guy is drunk and says something stupid. I laugh. Girl falls down. Guy and girl fuck in the bathroom. Guy does blow from the back of the toilet. I choke somebody out.

Same old shit.

So if you have any suggestions, let me know. Questions? I'll answer 'em.

To me, at least, I've watched drunk people do the same stupid shit over and over again for years. I've been working downtown long enough that I've watched people move into Athens, discover downtown, become a regular, do stupid drunk shit and make all the same mistakes I'm sure all students have made who have gone downtown a lot in the past, and then I watch these same kids eventually get sick of it all much like I should have years ago, stop going downtown, graduate, and move away from Athens. And then a new class of kids come in, and the cycle repeats itself.

They fight, they puke, they say absolutely asinine things, trip and fall down on the sidewalk/the stairs/themselves/each other, get arrested, fuck random people, argue with me, and then go home.

That pretty much sums up what I write about. It's nothing special, and honestly, I feel a little dumber each and every time I waste a night babysitting these people. And I'm probably wasting my time writing about it and everyone else's time who reads about it.

So now I'm feeling pretty damn indifferent about it all. And honestly, it doesn't feel too bad.

It's relaxing, sure, but at the expense of risking my job, I think it's about time that I started caring again.