Saturday, February 24, 2007

Special Privledges

There are people who come out a lot. These people get to know the employees working at a particular bar/club, know their names, know to say hi to them when they come in, come in early to hang out with the employees before it gets busy, and are the last to leave at the end of the night. If a person does this on a regular basis, provided they tip an adequate amount, they become "regulars". Regulars can be granted certain VIP privledges, which can include cutting the line, not showing their ID's when they come in the door, free drinks (when the bartenders feel the urge), bringing in a friend or two without showing their ID, staying a little later than the rest of the crowd, and maybe being served a beer after 2am when the rest of the crowd has been cut off.

This sounds really great for the most part because everyone benefits, but the problem with this is that when a person is a regular and gets used to the "special treatment" they begin to expect it. They don't tip as much because they think they're something special and deserve the little extra perks they have gotten used to getting without giving anything in return.

So I think it's funny when a "regular" comes to the door and says "these three are with me", and the fact is that I don't even know who the hell they are. I stare through them and continue to hold my hand out for them to place an ID into. Somewhere along the line they forgot that they are the guest and I'm the one who decides who comes in or not...they feel it's my responsibility to get to know them and that they have their special privledges regardless if they know the door guy/bartender/floor staff or not. Then the name dropping begins. "But I know so-and-so!" Or even better...when they starting listing the names of everyone who works there. I always tell them it's too bad one of them isn't working the door right now. Tough shit. You think you deserve something? Don't call me names when you don't get the red carpet rolled out for you and you have to abide by the rules every other fucking person has to.

Just because I've seen your face around the bar a few times doesn't mean I won't card you at the door and it doesn't mean you can bring your three best buddies in from out of town and expect to waltz right in.

This brings me to what really annoys me about this. An average bar around here has anywhere from 5 to 15 employees working on a given night. Bigger places have much more. But the fact is, there are more of you than there are of me. So who has the easier job of getting to know the other? The employee that can see 300+ people in one night or the one customer that only needs to get to know a few employees at a place they frequent night after night? So why in the hell is it my fault when I choose to card you and your three buddies who are from out of town? Are you mad because you didn't impress them like you thought you would by just walking in without the door guy giving you so much as a second look?

The fact that a couple of people who work here give you a little something extra doesn't mean that I'll do the same. I don't know where the fuck you got the idea that if one person does it around here, then everyone else should be compelled to as well. I don't recall having that conversation with the rest of the staff..."so and so comes in here alot, and now she's officially a regular and hereby is granted regular privledges from this point forward". You may be a regular to the bar simply by the fact you come in here every night, but unless you've gotten to know me, then fuck still get to abide by the rules that everyone else on the planet earth does when they come to the door and I'm standing there.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Mari Gras

Tomorrow night is "fat tuesday" and I am dreading it like any other holiday that involves going out to bars and drinking way too much. St. Patricks Day, New Years Eve, and the bike races around here known as Twilight, and every damn home football game are huge pains in my ass.

Each of these little "holidays" have their own little twerks, but the one thing they all have in common is that it involves little college kids going out and actually drinking more than they normally would. This wouldn't be such a big deal in a normal town, but Athens is a place known for its party atmosphere, which involves college kids drinking themselves retarded. So for a day to be celebrated by drinking more, can be a little annoying, at least from my point of view.

The thing that makes Mardi Gras even worse than a normal excessive drinking holiday is that there will undoubtedly be an abundance of underaged drunk girls flashing drunk guys. And plenty of other girls who are of-age. The trashier bars will have these girls do this on top of their bar while dancing to the latest booty shaking top 40 hip hop shit. The trashier girls will do more than just flash their breasts at the guys. You can use your imagination what they'll do. Or even better, you can take a stroll through downtown Athens at about 1am and peak in a few bars and see it for yourself. And the guys love this.

The later the night gets, the drunker the guys get. The more drunk the guys get, the less inhibitions they have. And when a drunk frat boy has a couple sets of boobs in front of his face, he wants to touch them. Eventually he does, and that's where I come in.

This would all be fine and dandy with me if I wasn't working. I would be at home in bed by 11pm because I know how downtown gets on this night. But I am working. This is where my problem with this day comes in. Now, the place I work at may or may not have this going on. I won't say. But whether we want it to or not, there will be at least a few girls lifting their shirts for the guys. And where there are boobs and drunk guys, there will be groping. Like I said, this is where I come in and have to escort the guys out. And I just don't want to put up with that shit this year. But I have to. But I won't be happy about it.

So all of you guys who will be out tomorrow night, enjoy your drinks and have a good time. But if you're at a bar where this flashing shit (or more) is going on, keep your goddamn hands to yourself. Oh...and don't try to get up on the bar with the chicks either. Nobody came out tonight to see your fat drunkass sweating and convulsing on the bartop all over the girls. Ok?

Sunday, February 18, 2007


There's no good way to tell someone they can't come in your club/bar. I've tried a million different ways to do it, and I've finally decided that there's never a sure-fire way to get someone that wants to come in to go away.

You see, telling someone they aren't good enough to come in the bar, which essentially you're saying when you say they're out of dress code or their ID sucks, never goes over well. People take it as an insult that you personally have thrown in their direction. It's even worse when all their friends are around. Nobody likes getting "disrespected" in front of their "crew". Which leads to them mouthing off like I, the door guy, pulled this random list of do's and don'ts out of my ass and handed it out to the first random jackass I see. I've tried being overly nice and telling people they can change clothes and come back and we'd "love to have them in here" but people see through that fairly easily. I'd hate to have them in here, to be honest, and I just want them to go the fuck away. The other end of the spectrum is pre-emptively blowing up at them and telling them to get the fuck out of the line before you rip their head off and stick it up their ass.

I've tried explaining my situation to the patron in question. "My manager makes the rules, not me, and if I let you in I'll get fired." Putting the blame on management helps sometimes, but other people call you on your shit sometimes. The truth is, as door guys, we have a lot of discretion in terms of who we let in and who we don't. Management has set the rules, but there is the understanding that we make the decisions on a nightly basis, for the most part. One day you might come in and get right in without any problems, have a great time and go home for the night. The next night you might catch me at a bad time and I call you on your baggy clothes and you don't get in. It all depends.

And then there's the ever-popular guys who get kicked out and then try to re-enter 20 minutes later like we don't possess a long-term memory. Great plan. Original, too. And then somehow it's our fault when we recognize you, reject you, so he tries to shove us and ends up with a bloody face. I just don't understand what the hell these people are thinking when they are rejected and then resort to violence. What are they trying to prove? If they beat us up then we'll let them in? If they beat us up then we'll know next time not to mess with them and let them in without question? The part that sucks for them is that when someone initiates a fight with the door guys over being rejected, you have just given us permission to release all the steam we've been keeping in over the past few hours at the door while dealing with fuckheads who say the same shit over and over again night after night. And in the end, it never solves anything for anyone.

I recognize that people feel slighted when they are kicked out or rejected so I try to do my best to help them save face or whatever, but this is an issue that just gets under my skin. More like it's a fucking thorn under my skin. Ugh.

Friday, February 02, 2007

People are retards

Something that makes me wonder about people is the way they act when they enter a bar. For the most part, people overall are fairly well behaved, polite and know how to act civilized. But as soon as they enter a bar/club and get a few drinks in them, the years of training of social acceptability they have learned goes out the window. So it's no wonder that I find people refusing to obey social norms after five or six bourbons and cokes.

Why in the world would a guy enter a bathroom, see a line, and find it okay to unzip and take a nice long piss in the guys sink or trash can? I know that, for the most part, guys don't say shit to other guys while in the bathroom (hence the guys rules of the bathroom), but as soon as a guy gets a buzz and has to take a leak, they find it okay to talk loudly, hug, give high fives, snort lines, smoke and relieve themselves in whatever corner they happen to be standing closest to.

Anyhow, I'm not one to take anything personally in terms of what dumbass fratboys do in the club I work at, but I find it offensive that any guy would piss in a trash can that I eventually will be hauling out to the front door at the end of the night. The same goes for the sink that I eventually will be washing my hands in. Why the hell would you piss in a sink? Even before I worked at a bar and understood the importance of not drawing attention to yourself while out drinking, I never pissed in a sink. Or a trash can for that matter.

My curiousity about people losing their ability to be socially acceptable goes beyond pissing in odd places. The rudeness of people never ceases to amaze me. If someone gets rejected at the door, there are individuals that find it okay to haul off and throw a punch at the guy telling him he can't come in. This, to me, confirms why the door guy didn't let him in. So, thanks for proving him right. And by the way, enjoy that mouthful of sidewalk you'll soon be consuming.

Some guys like to walk up to girls dancing in a group of their female friends who obviously aren't looking for guys to dance with, and start humping the closest one from the back. Shit, if a random guy started humping me, I'd probably turn around and knock him out. So I feel horrible for these girls who are out to have a good time who get harassed by drunk frat boys who are only looking for a place to stick their dick.

Which also brings me to another subject. Fucking in the bathroom. We all know this happens at bars, but let me assure you, catching a drunk couple screwing in a stall is not fun. Props to them for trying to take care of business without the awkward next morning, but Jesus people, take it outside to your car! As romantic as this may seem while you're 15 drinks deep after Bourbon Streets power hour, I'm hardly amused (or aroused for that matter) when I find a shithoused frat boy screwing a chubby blonde tri delt.

The point I'm trying to make is that when a person enters a bar, the requirement for socially acceptable behavior is not waived for the night. Cameras are everywhere downtown and tomorrow when you're sober, I'll be laughing at the stupid shit you did thats still saved on the computer. You might think you're the sexiest man in the fucking world, but rest assured I'm watching from somewhere while you're on the dance floor seizuring next to that fatass that you think looks so amazing.